Yesterday, I shared my experience with fear and how I have been coping. I also encouraged you to interrogate your fears and find ways to bring the light in. Instead of running away from it, I hope you are confronting it. I promised to send you a letter I wrote to my fear and here it is;
to my dearest fear.
you, who surrounded me in the dark water of my birth.
to you, my defender, who stabs me.
i am no longer your child and you are not my mother. i brought you to life through my
unbelief, but now my womb shall be your tomb. dear fear, you are not all of me. you are only a part of me. all of me is greater than you.
i declare: you will no longer hold me back. my bad fear, i forgive you and forbid you from dragging and breaking my wings every time i try to fly. this bird will see the cloud and
glide and touch the sky. this bird was not made to sit on the ground. this bird was made to soar.
my fear, you toiled to keep me alive, but you are death itself. you became a wall to shield me from harm, but you are the monster eating my throat. every day, i feel my lungs drop to my stomach. my heart races to the top of the mountain. for i am my own enemy. i held you before my face as the mirror of my dreams, but you are the reverse side me, the part i do not want to be.
dearest fear, i ran away you, but now i embrace you. i hated you so much, but now i love you. i love you enough to let you go. i free you. i free you. i free you, so i can free myself.
look, fear. you are the blood of my trauma, the history i want to heal. in the place i am heading to, only me can come. you are not me. my eyes are forward, your eyes are backward. my voice is light, your voice is heavy. it’s heavy. too heavy for me to carry along with my dreams. so, this is where i drop you. dear fear. stay buried.
i have heights to reach and depths to see. the stars i want to touch and kiss are beyond what you can know. so, here in the depths of your darkness, i exchange you with courage.
i am no longer afraid to stare at your darkness. i am not afraid of your light. i do not fear even your pain or your comfort.
dear fear, you have done the work you were sent to do. thank you for teaching me about my softness. your humiliation has taken all my pride away. thank you for painting a map of my weakness. i followed the path and found my strength. thank you for forcing my trembling knees to the ground. i know now that something greater is behind me. the breath in my nostril is a sign that i am the chosen one.
i do not need your help anymore, gentle fear.
you have worked tirelessly all these years, but now i give you rest.
i set you free. you must set me free
More in the next Blog.